Why Blogging Is A Waste Of Time

There was a time when I blogged every week. Every single week. I look back at that now and lol too hard because recently I’ve taken a spontaneous month break and before that I was posting anywhere between 0 and 3 times a week. Essentially, I’ve become the unorganised blogger which I vowed I would never be. But then I realised that having a break was actually really nice, because sometimes- for me anyway- blogging is a waste of time. Here’s why:

I have to spend ages online: Whether it’s scheduling tweets to promote myself or hyping up posts about palettes I don’t really care about with heart eye emojis or even just gramming photos for the sake of staying relevant in the algorithm, everything involves the internet. When I’m blogging, I turn my laptop off at the end of the night and my eyes burn because I’ve spent so long staring at a screen. During my blogging breaks life is the opposite- I’m outside working on my tan lines or seeing friends that I’ve neglected, I don’t have to worry about spending an hour in a twitter chat because instead I’m having an actual conversation with the barman in Wetherspoons who’s trying to tell me that they’ve run out of Sourz cherry and so can’t make me yet another pitcher of Purple Rain. Don’t get me wrong, I love connecting with people online but spending hours of my day trying to grow my brand only to find out they haven’t clicked on my links in return makes it a huge Zeitverschwendung. (Yes that’s German for waste of time and yes I’m trying to make use of my German A-level before I forget it all, just roll with it.) 

Controversial Thoughts on Sarah Ashcroft

Unless you live under a rock (which tbh would be goals at the moment) then you will have seen your Twitter feed explode with anger at this blogger that no one’s really heard of called Sarah Ashcroft and her interview with Cosmo>. The thing is, I’ve read the piece and, while it comes across as self-indulgent, I don’t disagree with everything she says…

I wanted to offer new and fresh content every post, but it came with a lot of pressure

Firstly, I thought this was a really honest thing to admit. I’m not a fashion blogger but I’ve seen posts from many who say they feel forced to spend all their money on Topshop trends to stay current. I live 75% of my life in pyjamas so my fashion blog would be duller than watching Formula 1. And trust me, that’s dull. So I get where she’s coming from.

I actually turned down ‘real’ jobs because it started to become a standalone thing

Maybe this seems bitchy because she’s using the ironic quote marks, but it’s also largely reflective of modern attitudes. Most people don’t blog with the expectation that it will become their main source of income- it’s often still not viewed as a ‘real’ job and I think this statement merely reflects her similar surprise.

A Feminist Watches: Miranda

I’m watching so much film and TV atm, now that my exams are out the way and so I thought, why not put all those hours to good use in a new blogging series I’m calling ‘A Feminist Watches’ because if I’m honest, sometimes I find it really hard to just enjoy the film without focusing on all the inequalities. I’m not trying to appeal to the stereotype feminism takes the fun out of everything but also… well…

I thought I’d start with my all time favourite female comedian Miranda Hart- and it’s spoiler free. Her show Miranda capital STOLE my heart when I was 10 (sorry, did that make you feel really old) but when I recently re-watched it I realised it wasn’t all such fun. See what I did there? (If the answer is no then you’re probably really going to struggle with the rest of this post so I recommend you phone into work, say you’ve caught a terrible case of existentialist crisis, pop to HMV if it still exists, buy the boxset and spend the rest of the day watching it before returning back to yours truly to understand what I’m actually on about.) On with the post.

Hypermasculinity: Miranda, I love you, but sometimes the way you treat Gary is reallllllly bad. (Why did I address that to Miranda, she is famous, she is busy, Jess she is not I repeat not going to read this.) There’s literally a whole episode where she mocks him for being scared of geese when geese are actually pretty creepy- I learnt the hard way after eating a bread roll in front of a body of water in 2003 and having to retaliate to the car bonnet to prevent being eaten alive by one of the hundred birds that emerged from it. Don’t underestimate the quack, it’s lethal. So, not only is this phobia pretty natural- newsflash: men are scared of things too!- but then there’s another episode (or maybe it’s the same one, I’m such a fake fan) where Gary feels the need to turn into a ‘Geezer’ to stop everyone calling him ‘sweet’. All this does is suggest that men have to wear a string vest and own a power drill to be proper men, which is such BS. I’d way rather have someone affectionate that can cry at Captain Phillips with me, than someone that thinks they need a Cher Lloyd style swagger in order to fit in, so stop scaring all the emotionally vulnerable guys into the gym please! Send them my way instead!

Women. Swoon. At. Everyone: I swear these ladies could come into contact with Donald Trump holding his Muslim Ban in one hand and wotsit wig in the other and still swoon. It presents women as such drippy drips. Plus, no one swoons anymore, the game has changed. If you like them you just snapchat them nudes with the dog filter or something. 

The Dumbest Shit I’ve Read on Twitter

I’ve been on Twitter a long time. And in that time I’ve seen a lot of ‘DS’ (dumb shit- not to be confused with the Nintendo DS because I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to say a bad word about Animal Crossing). I thought, in homage to me being away from blogging for so long, I would reminisce over the worst bits that I’ve seen in the meantime on social media, in hope that these would set the bar really low for my future posts.

‘Men cannot do domestic tasks because they are too busy building civilisation’ This was said by a meninist who believed men didn’t have time to participate in childcare, housework, cooking, etc. What he hasn’t realised is that, yeah men might’ve built the modern world, but women invented beer, monopoly and the folding cabinet bed, therefore we’ve built the perfect Friday night.

‘Women can’t be SAS trained. They’ll distract men. It’s biological’ Did you see SAS: Who Dares Wins? Did you watch a woman and a man come joint first without sleeping together? And when they were being interrogated in, like, Morocco, did you see her dramatically undo her ponytail, unveiling luscious Herbal Essence-d locks and apply Mac Velvet Teddy, causing all the spies to stop their highly classified, significant jobs and have a wank over her beauty instead? No. Because not every guy was straight. Not every woman is beautiful. And most importantly, these people are so skilled at doing their jobs so if a human with two lumps of fat on their upper torso and no dick can distract them that easily then I really don’t think they’re qualified to protect the country.

Confessions of a Bad Blogger

A few weeks ago I didn’t post. This is now a bit awks because you’re all sat there like soz Jess didn’t even notice you were gone but trust me, I was, and I felt really sad inside. Every Monday for over a year I’ve posted and then on Tuesday I read the comments (which I’m supposed to reply to on Wednesday but always forget), Thursday is promo day, Friday blogger chats, Saturday I have to re-edit because I realise there’s about 8 typos and then Sunday I’m writing the next post. When there was no post I suddenly had nothing to read or promote. I was literally half a girl. However, my lack of commitment did inspire this: Confessions of a Bad Blogger

Snail Speed Replies: I love your comments more than I love most members of my immediate family, they’re so intricate and thoughtful and feminist; I feel like in order to reply to my full capacity (cough cough Jess babe are you trying to make excuses because this really isn’t subtle) I need a good 90 minutes and a cherry bakewell flavoured tea. It’s just a shame that IB students don’t have a spare 90 minutes very often. I will always reply to every reply you just might have to wait a week. Or two. Max.

I Don’t Plan Posts in Advance: I wish I could be the person who rolls out of bed to the sound of WordPress notifications, throws on clothing sent to them for free to review and tends to the bullet journal where they’ve planned every post for the next two centuries while sipping something incredibly romanticised but equally gross like elderflower cordial from their Blogger Of The Year trophy. But I can’t. I used to have some random posted notes with ideas on dotted around my room but that got too risky after my Grandma came to stay and asked “Why do you have PORN PROBLEMS written on your wall?” Thanks Gma, legend as per.

Buggles

I’ve been blogging for almost a year now (I realise, upon reflection, 11 months really isn’t that long at all considering most of you were essentially birthed onto a WordPress dashboard but still. I have commitment issues) and there are still so many things I don’t understand. I thought blogging would be all rock up, pick a domain, write some stuff, delete the typos/blasphemy and voila instant internet success. But no. There’s hierarchy and etiquette and advertising and social media and so I thought I’d document it all in a hopefully #relatable post (awks if it’s just me) containing my Blogger Struggles. Or Buggles if you want to feel a bit more video killed the radio star.

Comment Etiquette: You know that awkward ‘handshake? two kisses? okay this is okay shit is he going in for three?’ uncertainty you get when you meet a stranger- to me comments are like the internet equivalent. You comment on my post so I reply and I know the relationship is solid. Meanwhile life is running smoothly *insert pictures of some baby lambs or mini eggs or something* BAM you reply to my reply and suddenly I’m like woah, do I reply to their reply of my reply? Is that what ‘being nice’ is these days? I just can’t keep up. This is why I’m no good at tennis.