Anti-Feminist Guilty Pleasures

I’ve realised that I’m probably a misogynist. I’ve also realised that that’s probably okay.

I have the tendency to endorse rather anti-feminist things, which are important to address if we want to beat this (fifty shades of) grey area in feminism. People think that in order to be Queen Feminist you have to reject all the meaty bits of society and replace them with Quorn alternatives- but this doesn’t have to be the case. After all, we can’t all be perfectly pro-gender equality all the time, right? So, to deblur the lines of this black and white view of feminism, I thought I’d share some of my misogynistic guilty pleasures.

Fetty Wap/ the song that’s like *heavy trap beat* IN MA ROOOOM with a human centipede-esque ring of naked women on the album cover/ rap in general: It’s like, I know that saying ‘I made that bitch famous’ is both incredibly degrading and wildly inaccurate however it’s also blady catchy. It’s not fair to make such an absolute banger that you only realise it violates your human rights on your fifth listen because the four previous times you were slut-dropping too hard to hear the lyrics.

Fifty Shades Of Grey: Many feminists hate it. And to an extent I get it. The book does glamorise a relationship in which consent isn’t a thing and sexual dominance inaccurately urban sprawls into everyday life (causing me to do the cringey claw hands every time I’m asked to reduce anything on the same aisle as the vanilla ice cream). But this collection of readable porn pages became a bestseller and that’s so blady cool because it shows how many women wanted something like this. Men can discuss sex all they want but for women it’s a topic that’s considered unladylike and then BAM along comes (literally) Anastasia Steele telling us where it’s at. 

Hair Removal: I actually find shaving really fun, which is tragic because I despise basically everything it stands for. But shaving foam always reminds me of squirty cream and then the razor is like a little lawnmower and I have some Sia tunes playing over the top so the whole situation makes me lol a lil bit. #JustJessThings

Cosmopolitan: Yes the ‘We’ve Surveyed Every Hot, Heterosexual 25 Year Old Male On The Planet And Here’s 8 Things They Think About Women With Pubes’ articles are problematic because why are we teaching women to schedule their waxes around male desires? But overall I’m actually a big fan. Other women’s mags are like *interview with Kerry Katona* *Nutribullet advert* *What’s in Kerry Katona’s Fridge?* *Who Wore It Best?* *Horoscopes with Kerry Katona* but Cosmo balances all that shit out with the season’s steamiest sex positions and Lovehoney promo codes. Win.

Men Doing Shit For Me: I promise I’m not advocating for three-quarters of the Youtube comments under Em’s #HeForShe speech that misinterpreted the 11 minute video as a male slavery promo. Neither am I one of those women on First Dates who chugs through half a dozen white wine spritzers and then refuses to split the bill. I’m just saying that after a shift at work when I have to lug the bag of dented tuna tins and out of date pork livers to the bin, sometimes I can’t lift it. Do I go and find a man who can shift it for me? Well yeah, otherwise I can’t go home.

Who Wore It Best: I hate the fact we judge creative women more so on what they wear than what they produce. I also hate the fact women are constantly rivalled against each other. Why then am I a sucker for the who wore it best column? Maybe I can blame my curiosity for how different people have styled the same thing, or maybe plot twist I’m just a secret misogynist I legit can’t tell.

Blurred Lines: problematic, slightly rapey lyrics + naked women used purposely to get views + Pharrell in yet another twatty hat = Blurred lines was the biggest scandal of 2013. While I don’t support the song (white man sings about bitches while gyrating against topless women? Yawn af) or the video (basically a porno with audio description) at least there was one good thing to come out of the controversy: the ‘discovery’ of Emily Ratajkowski. The ultimate instaqween, all about advocating for Planned Parenthood and protesting against Trump. She’s definitely not Thicke (see what I did there).