A-Z Before Bed

I saw this tag on someone else’s blog (but I genuinely can’t remember whose so soz to all the A-Z tag doers out there, just know that it could’ve been you) and I thought it was a really cute way to get to know somebody. Aka I thought my one year blogging anniversary was this week but it’s actually next week and I needed a filler post so ta-dah.

Waitrose essentially, you use the alphabet and every letter reflects a different aspect of you- I’m going to be alternating between things I hate in red and things I love in green to make it a bit more spicy (and also the colours of Nandos). So, moving Taylor Swiftly on… (That awkward moment when you realise the keyboard isn’t arranged in alphabetical order and you have to sing the ABC song to know which letter comes after E.)

Antifeminism. Duh.

Bb Brother It was his christening yesterday and honestly it was the cutest thing ever, however the age gap does prove serious problems- especially prominent when I’m pushing him round Caffè Nero and all the middle aged women with their Macchiatos and blueberry muffins stop mid-sip to whisper to the woman beside them about the ‘teen mum’. Like proper staring. They’d never make MI5.

Contouring My mantra is (biological essentials aside) if Kim Kardashian can do it then I probably can’t. Contouring is quite possibly the greatest evidence for this claim, followed by wearing double denim and naming offspring after directions.

Divorced Parents Initially it’s traumatic but now I have two birthdays, Christmases, Easter Eggs, bedrooms aka Zara Larsson’s Lush Life.

Ending a Book.

F ugh this is such a toughie because ultra ironically I am torn between feminism, Fetty Wap and Fifty Shades of Grey. I love them all equally; I refuse to divide my children by a hierarchy.

Global Warming! I know realistically everyone uses the Oscars’ winners’ speeches as loo breaks or opportunities to ask their parents what tomorrow’s dinner will be, however Leo was right- climate change is a thing. Granted, as I sit here with my charging laptop, freshly boiled kettle and lights on, I’m not perfect, but I do think it’s very important to start prioritising carbon neutral housing, renewable energy, recycling, etc.

How To Be Single. Best Film. Cannot confirm whether this is triggered by my wet dreams for Dakota Johnson.

IB Lol. Don’t put yourself through it kids. It’ll only cause you pain (in fact, TOK has had such an effect on me that the other day I saw an advert and thought ‘that’s an appeal to authority and an ad hominem argument, honestly *tuts* rational argument skills these days’)

Jess because in the words of Hailee Steinfeld:

I love me

Gonna love myself

No, I don’t need anybody else

Kanye West and this new weird personality he’s got where he can’t last an interview without mentioning rather that ‘he’s a true artist’ or ‘art is oxygen’ at least 7 times. It all went downhill after Stronger.

Looking Up Random Websites like the one I’m on now (‘NounsBeginningWithL.com’)

MAC They test on animals! A vegetarian lifestyle can be really difficult to sustain when you don’t cook/do the food shopping and all your family eat meat, however buying cruelty free brands is so easy. Step 1: Literally step into shop. Step 2: See which product you like. Step 3: Google whether said brand is sold in China (where it’s required by law to animal test) or go on the PETA website to find out. Step 4: If it does, buy a replacement. Simps.

NYC Less than three weeks to go… *shakes the snow globe of my heart in excitement*

Orange Is The New Black Spoilers (see what I did there) spoilers in general are très annoying but it’s most notable when the show is as tense as this one.

Polar Bear Feet (right now you’re thinking wtf Jess you don’t even like feet but trust me I’ll insert a pic I’ve stolen from Google and your heart will MELT)

Quaker Oats Porridge This used to be my go-to breakfast but after one stodgy, mango and passionfruit flavoured bowl I’ve never been able to face it again.

Royal Family espesh the Queen

Security at Airports Like I still don’t understand whether lip balm is a liquid? Do I put it in one of those see though plastic bags or not? And how come you can buy water in Duty Free if you can’t then take it on the plane? All these questions running through my head while some man with a gun asks me to take my shoes off and reminds me that I’ll be in big trouble if I packed scissors in my hand luggage (which I accidentally almost always do). There’s no need to be so scary. I’m innocent. Promise.

Tiger Apparently not everyone lives within walking distance of a Tiger store. All I can say is you’re missing out on the lovechild of Paperchase, IKEA’s and Poundland (don’t worry about the physical logistics, I’m not too sure here either)

Umbrellas Blowing Inside Out

Voting Literally, this still blows my mind. The fact that I live in a democracy and can contribute to the decision about who runs the country in a peaceful, private manner, is

Princess bb Jess ft. Childhood Ruined

such a massive leap in social progress. Blady proud of this country (even if they tax tampons).

 

Walt Disney’s True Colours #DontYouHateItWhen the man who built your childhood was also a racist, sexist and Nazi supporter?

XO by Beyoncé (and also the John Mayer cover is pretty sweet)

Yakult

Zebras How can you not love an animal that looks like it’s wearing pyjamas?

So, my darling Teamales, sorry for the filler. Hopefully, you related to some items on the list- feel free to comment below with your loves and hates.