Buggles

I’ve been blogging for almost a year now (I realise, upon reflection, 11 months really isn’t that long at all considering most of you were essentially birthed onto a WordPress dashboard but still. I have commitment issues) and there are still so many things I don’t understand. I thought blogging would be all rock up, pick a domain, write some stuff, delete the typos/blasphemy and voila instant internet success. But no. There’s hierarchy and etiquette and advertising and social media and so I thought I’d document it all in a hopefully #relatable post (awks if it’s just me) containing my Blogger Struggles. Or Buggles if you want to feel a bit more video killed the radio star.

Comment Etiquette: You know that awkward ‘handshake? two kisses? okay this is okay shit is he going in for three?’ uncertainty you get when you meet a stranger- to me comments are like the internet equivalent. You comment on my post so I reply and I know the relationship is solid. Meanwhile life is running smoothly *insert pictures of some baby lambs or mini eggs or something* BAM you reply to my reply and suddenly I’m like woah, do I reply to their reply of my reply? Is that what ‘being nice’ is these days? I just can’t keep up. This is why I’m no good at tennis.

Photography: However tennis is a walk in the park when you compare it to the photography game, of which mine isn’t particularly strong. Everyone will tell you (regardless of whether you’ve asked them) that bad pictures are the Armageddon of your blogging career and while I don’t necessarily disagree I can’t help but think this is a feminist blog…HOW do you expect me to get pictures for Caitlin Moran’s opinion on bear-baiting? It’s okay though, I’ll just look at your cute pictures of matte lipstick instead- as long as it’s not MAC. Animal testing alert.

The Follow Back Rule (or lack of): I don’t really mind when people don’t follow me back- obviously human nature means I mind like a teeny bit but it’s only really a 3/10 and I’ve forgotten about it 15 minutes later kind of minding- however when I’ve spent ages scrolling through your archives, commenting on your posts, liking all your heavily filtered Instagram selfies and following you on Twitter and you hardly acknowledge my whole afternoon’s worth of effort, I mind. I’m not expecting you to write a post about how amazing I am (…unless you want to) but a quick unicorn emoji only takes a few seconds. Which I think you can spare seeing as I’m reading your posts from September 2011.

Hierarchy: What’s most awkward about that situation is that half an hour into my readathon, I’ll realise you have 18k followers and slowly moonwalk away out of fear that the population of a medium sized island, otherwise known as your fanbase, will come and torch my house if I use the wrong colour heart in my comment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re lovely but, you’re also intimidating af. Although it’s not really that hard to beat me to be honest, you’ve got built a blogging empire with a brand endorsement from Nike while I’ve drawn a face on my Waitrose Essential hallumi to make it a hallumate.

The Dumbing Down Of Success: I’ve seen lots of posts recently revealing blogging stats- which feels like I’m looking into people’s underwear drawers ngl, we all know page views are on a par with nudes- but bloggers always massively undermine their successes. One blog was getting 700 views ‘on a bad day’ which is completely mindblowing because I think I got 700 views last month as a whole, let alone per day. I don’t think Daniel Powter will be hitting her up anytime soon. What’s frustrating about this is that people being embarrassed about getting e.g. 700 views a day, makes everyone with less than 700 views a day feel like they should be embarrassed too. All we’re going to do is create this insecure little blogging cycle where everyone is doing it for views not because they lave it. I’m pretty sure blog confidence is (omg my Jack Wills order has been dispatched wait one) (I’m back) part of the whole self-love-body-posi thing anyway.

So there we have it: my most prominent buggles. Please tell me if you relate to any of these, it would make me feel way better or if something else really gets on your grate then please share!