Happy Nudes Year

Just when I thought we’d made it through 2015 without too much interruption from the meninists of the world, I am introduced to someone expecting me to wish him a happy nudes year. It got me thinking about how, despite most of us seeing similar screenshots on Buzzfeed and Tumblr, you never expect the sassy feminist replies to be coming from you. So a rather unplanned addition to the blog this week: The Many Stages of Social Media Misogyny

The preparation: Meninists could appear at any time and, although it feels weird essentially bulling people you’ve never met in order to defend yourself, sometimes you’ve just got to grab yourself a glass of soya milk, readjust your bra straps and woman up. (If that fails to empower you, maybe do some Sudoku puzzles to warm up your brain or something.)

The bit where you check they’re not a troll: This is the part where you manically scroll through their Twitter feed to make sure they’re at least vaguely sane; in this case he’d retweeted some we-would-rather-gauge-our-eyes-out-than-have-Trump-as-President campaign so I thought he was a safe zone, especially because it started with him asking me about feminism. Even if you come to wrong conclusion (which, spoiler alert, you probably will) it always feels better to check.

The bit where it suddenly gets weird:

Feminifting

Twas the nights before Christmas, when all through the house, everyone was admitting, they didn’t have a blady clue what to buy each other. I know how you feel kids. From Black Friday to Panic Saturday, the stress free Christmas shopping window has passed us and now we’re left with scraps worth of days to buy for the other third of the family that we forgot in the initial rounds of purchases. Some people are super easy to buy for- I bought my Dad the first personalised print I could find on Not On The High Street for under £12.99- but when it comes to my friends I am clueless. It’s like, I know you super well for the other 11 months of the year but when it comes to Christmas your minds are unhackable.

Me: What do you want for Christmas?

*insert vaguely posh three syllable name*: Oh, I don’t want anything

If we’ve been friends long enough to get to the elite present-giving stage, I am clearly not going to get you a box of air- regardless of how adamant you are. In order to solve this rather sticky situation, I have devised a feminist gift guide, so you’ll end up buying your femmy friends something fabulous this festive season. Unless of course they’re not feminists (in which case why haven’t you thrown photos of Emma Watson at them until they diffuse into their blood stream?) Here are some ideas for last minute Feminifting this Christmas:

Don’t Be So Hard On Your Elf

Unless you hadn’t noticed- and the only way not noticing would be justified is if you live in a world where War Is Over hasn’t already been played to death and the shops are still selling Easter eggs- Christmas is around the corner. Cue a heartwarming John Lewis advert (my new employer may I just VERY subtly add), 22 minute beauty vlogs ft. the entire Lush Christmas collection (Izzy my darling I’m looking at you) and loads of randomly titled sales of which the relevance I don’t understand but 7.5% off at Urban Outfitters? I’m not complaining. When it comes to Halloween I can be a bit of a Scrooge, so you’ll be pleased to know Christmas is my thang. Not only are my secret Santa skills on point, but I was the cow in my first nativity and we all know that whoever plays the cow essentially represents the essence of Christmas. Or at least that was what they told me when I was sat in the Wendy house crying because I wasn’t Mary.

So in acknowledgement of the most wonderful time of the year, here is a little donkey of a tag that https://anaccidentalauthor.wordpress.com/ invented and then nominated me for. (I thought it was about time I showed you mine) (And no, that is just as wrong in context as it is out of it so count your ignorance as bliss.) Let us commence with the rather festively titled: Holly Jolly Festive Tag

What’s your favourite thing about Christmas? I love all the seasonal products that you never knew you needed until December 1^st when Costa release their Christmas menu and it takes you about three extra minutes to order because not only do you have to choose between small grande drink in take away hot milk soya substitute gluten free cream marshmallows cocoa dust in the shape of all the time you’ve wasted, now you also have to decide if you want a Tiramisu Latte or Black Forest Hot Chocolate. Obviously, whatever you pick must be accompanied by a mini Yule Log otherwise it might as well be January already.