Happy Monday Teamales and what a wonderful start to the week as the child fares of the world go back to school- what do you mean they went back last week? Oh what a shame. I’ll just have to gloat about the fact that I don’t go back until Wednesday instead (definitely didn’t time this on purpose). I’m sure all said school goers are bored by now of the endless Back to School shop window displays, the Clarks shoes that are way too tight and the tutorials of ‘simple student makeup’ that actually involves two Naked palettes, a smoky eye and lip liner (wtf is lip liner) so I’m about to shake it up- and off- a bit. I’m here to talk about the bits that aren’t quite as glamorous as Zoella’s new pencil case: The Back to School Struggles.
When you forget to take blog pictures and have to improvise. Hashtag relatable.
The Tools: The first struggle of going back to school is how to spell ‘stationery’- I’m sorry it just looks wrong, who decided to get rid of ‘stationary’ which reminds me of a train station for missionaries and replace it with a gross ‘e’- a task that is almost as difficult as using all the stationery you buy. Because we all know that stationery is a highly important and totally useful purchase, I try to explain this to the manager of Paperchase as he issues my second restraining order, but you just won’t use half of it- I know, even the fruit scented gel pens that you impulse bought with what should’ve been your bus fare home. You’ll spend the next year borrowing a crappy biro off the girl that always has spare biros and everytime they say ‘get into pairs’ you’ll specifically only choose people that own highlighters. Simple. The remaining content of your pencil case can be reused as last minute birthday presents for the friends whose names you can’t really remember. 
The Music: obviously being the antisocial technology addicts of a generation going back to school equals a new playlist to listen to on your commute- at least I’m guessing this is what the youth do these days. They’ve probably already sorted their music that sounds like a cat sat on Garageband into quaintly titled playlists with their premium Spotify membership. But back in 2k10 we were all about the shiny blue iPod Nano loaded with trendy tracks from Jojo and The Pussycat Dolls (who else mumbled the words to When I Grow Up because they thought ‘boobies’ was a rude word? Oh come on IT WASN’T JUST ME). If I’m honest I was so scared of other people on the bus being able to hear my music that I used to listen to it on mute, primary schooler Jessica had keeping up appearances down to a T. Or should I say tea.
I’m watching you
The Lewk: If you’re starting a new school/college/educational establishment you may have decided to reinvent yourself a bit, for me ‘a bit’ came in the form of a fringe inspired by the fact I never had a dodgy fringe phase as a child, so I’m doing it now instead. Despite it feeling like a small chinchilla has nested on the newly formed acne garden of my forehead, my bangs are my new best friend- as long as I stay away from rain, sweat, wind, places where I can’t plug my straighteners in, etc. After my experience, I really would recommend a bang.
*cough cough*
The Friends: Making friends in year 7 is something you worry about the most yet you’re actually at the age when it comes most naturally to you. You go over to some girls in skirts they’ve attempted to roll up and mascara that came free in Mizz magazine and you say something cringey such as ‘Do you like Five Seconds Of Summer?’ and even though you’re dragging a toilet roll train on your Clark’s Daisy shoe you become best friends for enough months to attract some new friends via slightly more mature tactics. By the time you get to college you’ve forgotten how to meet people. And for some reason I’ve decided this is a really good way to introduce myself to all the new people I’ve bumped into over the summer. “Isn’t it weird talking to people you don’t know, even though in a few weeks I know we’ll be friends…omg I’ve just FORGOTTEN how to make friends.” Rather that or I just follow people subtlety until they talk to me. Probably to tell me to go away.
Because socks and sandals were trendy in 2007
The Group Chat: So once you’ve tracked down suitable members for your clique- just the right balance of hair colours, personalities and celebrity crushes, plus the token name that only your group can pronounce, in our case it’s my Irish sidekick ‘Saoirse’ – you can create the monumental Group Chat. Forget being the Godmother to their children, the Group Chat making moment is the single most important moment in your friendship’s course. The moment when suddenly you are bound together by notifications from whatever social media platform you’ve made it on, bombarded with constant irrelevant messages and feeling obliged to read every single one because YOU are a member of the group chat. Until you leave because you cba. Understanding those messages is like cracking the enigma code and I just don’t have that kind of commitment in me.
To be honest that’s all there is to it- apart from the peer pressure, exams, footballs kicked in your head, strict teachers, etc. etc.- and as for me I’m off to scratch and sniff my new multicolour pens. Remember to like, comment and follow my blog if this post made you chuckle and have a happy back to schooling Teamales!
Half Girl Half Teacup 