Have you heard the news?

Hey, Daily Mail *waves passionately, pulls out chair and offers seat* I think it’s time we had a little chat.

Because- serious face- here are some genuine articles I gathered from your website today and wow…I simply can’t believe the high intensity, groundbreaking news that your paper is producing these days. rsz_miley

Thanks guys. Journalism at its finest. Don’t worry, I’ve changed your headline for you because I’m pretty sure it was supposed to say: MILEY ME

It’s okay, we all make mistakes and maybe your editor just missed-rsz_1char

Oh. Another one? Really? You know, I’m not liking this ‘sidebar of shame’ business DM and to honour my dislike of the unnecessary addition to your online paper, I’m going to shame YOU instead. Here is what your article should be:


I mean…come on…this stuff isn’t even article worthy!rsz_rochROCH MEAnd this is just a crap effort tbhrsz_selena_dailySELENA ME  I categorise ‘daring’ as stunt biking and base jumping, not denimrsz_tissTISS ME

So, what can I say, other than HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS? Oh wait, there isn’t any, because you’re too busy pointing out basic human anatomy and photographing the fascinating concept of clothes. I JUST DON’T GET IT. At least the Guardian enlightens our lives with middle class tales of quinoa farming; even the Sun- despite losing brownie points for the employment of Katie Hopkins- fills its webpage with holiday promotions and largely inoffensive images of beach balls. But you Daily Mail, are just a bit rubbish and I would appreciate if you could gawp at cleavage in your own private cave some place far away from the internet.

All my love.

So Teamales, seen any awe-inspiringly crap headlines recently? Comment below…

4 thoughts on “Have you heard the news?

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